Writing Lessons & Advice: Honorifics

honorific décor used at my wedding reception

I'm celebrating my first wedding anniversary the weekend of this writing! Inspired by my one-year milestone of married life, I've written a short guide for using honorifics, or what are more commonly known as personal titles or prefixes.

Honorifics are forms of address with a two-fold purpose: 1) they denote a person's rank, leadership, social, professional, or academic status in their society/culture/organization and 2) they convey esteem, courtesy, or respect to the person of standing.

Sometimes they can stand alone as their own address: Captain, Father, or Your Majesty. Other times, they are abbreviations or parts of a proper name, like: Capt. John Smith, President Washington, Lady Catherine De Bourgh, or King Charles III.

Given the elevated perception of honorifics, many people may associate them with hierarchies in nobility, royalty, military, or clergy. However, many of us "commoners", civilians, and average joes use them on occasion as well, which is where I'll focus this lesson.

Using honorifics where you can is strongly recommended, especially in professional or formal situations. Doing so is good etiquette and manners, and of course, respectful. It communicates that you recognize a person’s achievements, position, or identity. To give some “real-world” examples:

Weddings are considered formal events, regardless of style. So some of my invitations were addressed with either Mister (Mr.) or Ms./Miss/Mrs., even though they were going to friends and family.

As another formality, my husband and I were introduced as Mr. and Mrs. Jacob Holland after exchanging our vows.

Important letters, notices, or messages may be addressed to a Mr. or Ms. (insert your name here).

Sometimes even sir, miss, or ma’am might be used to politely address strangers.

Educators and staff are the authorities in our learning institutions, so of course we address them as Mr. Smith or Mrs. Doe out of respect for their positions. On the collegiate level, some will be doctors or professors.

Kelly Clarkson's 2003 hit, "Miss Independent" tells a story of a fiercely independent single woman opening herself to love. In 2008, Ne-Yo released a song by the same name in which an independent single woman is admired.

There may be an exception every once in a while but it’s ultimately at the authority’s preference or request. I had a pair of married college professors who would answer to either Mr./Mrs. P or Dr. P because their last name was long and complicated. Or maybe for the same reason, they may use their first name instead. This isn’t uncommon but only use this kind of variant if/when you are asked to.

When you’re the one who has to do the addressing, here are some notes to help you keep the (“commoner’s”) honorific titles and abbreviations straight:

Mister or Mr. = use with any male, married or unmarried
Miss = use with young, unmarried women
Missus or Mrs. = use with married women
Ms. = this is considered a marital-neutral title, sometimes it can be used with older, unmarried women or if you’re unsure of a woman’s marital status
Mx = a gender neutral title

Also, if you’re in a position to ask the addressee their preference, you might do so!